


Duck Me

by amberbamba



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Ficlet, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-26
Updated: 2013-07-26
Packaged: 2017-12-21 09:53:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/898913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amberbamba/pseuds/amberbamba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam drunk texts Harry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Duck Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [andwhatyousaid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/andwhatyousaid/gifts).



> I'm posting this here in aid of getting people over to the Liam/Harry ficathon [here](http://liam-harry.livejournal.com/3256.html)
> 
> Come and play with us!

Harry receives the text at 2 am, just as he’s dropping off. 

_Iii ilke uur fcce_

It’s hard to tell since Liam’s grammar is dodgy at the best of times, but since it’s Saturday and Liam’s been texting Harry all evening, begging him to cab over to El Camion and hang out, Harry guesses he's drunk.

He’s been feeling sick all day, so he’s tucked up in bed, full of chicken soup and Beecham’s, declining any and all invites out. 

_x._

He sends back.

He manages to doze off lightly before his phone goes again. He picks it up because Liam’s shit at handling alcohol – reacts to it like a 15 year old on her first two Bacardi Breezers, and he worries a bit.

_like yours voice to, mooooore acully ‘s sexy_

_That’s really sweet, mate._ He texts back, because Drunk Liam is unfailingly handsy and affectionate and passionately in love with his friends. _Who are you out with? If you’re seeing double, catch a taxi home._

_Not moar, did I sye more/? I meen i like ur viuce lots an lots. But fac e is bttr. Wold sit on ur face._

Okay, what?

_How drunk are you?_

_enough drukn._

_Enough drunk for what?_ They text back and forth, rapid fire.

Harry’s sitting up now, back against the pillows, sniffing and rubbing his face, focusing on the phone.

_Nuff drunkfro yours duck, I meen dick. Fjuck._

For shit’s sake. Harry is not well enough, alert enough, or in Liam’s presence enough to finally have the conversation they’ve been dancing around for months.

_Is Ed there? Give him your phone._

_NO!!! Eed can;t hve ur dick, I want it._

Fuck this. 

With nimble fingers, Harry flicks out of his messages and into his contact list, hitting Ed’s name. 

He picks up on the second ring. “Seriously, mate, I can’t get the phone out of his hands, he’s fucking curled in a ball around it, it’s crazy.”

“Yeah, don’t try, he’ll punch you right in the dick. How is he?” Harry’s not so worried about Ed figuring anything out. He’s Ed, he generally susses people in the first ten minutes, so he doesn’t think they’ve been fooling him.

“He’ll be fine, he’s just wankered. Like sloppy as fuck, but he’ll survive. He’s going to have a fun morning, but,” Ed laughs, and Harry’s relieved that Ed’s at least functional enough to make sure Liam doesn’t go home with a couple of groupies and let them film it. 

“Yeah, well the flower had to bloom sometime. Listen, can you chuck him in a cab and send him to mine? I’ll wait for him out the front.”

“I can if you want. But be warned he’s…”

“Clingy?”

“That is a very nice way to put what I’m dealing with here,” Ed says. There are noises from the other end like he’s trying to wrangle Liam around, but he’s whining and having none of it. 

“…him sooo much… HORNY!...” Harry manages to catch, and yeah, Liam _is_ going to have a hell of a morning, because Harry’s not letting this one slide. Not this time.

Harry listens to two more minutes of heavy bass and the traditional super reasonable tone used on drunkards, before Ed comes back on the line, panting. “He doesn’t seem to want to leave the table.”

“Put him on the phone,” Harry tells him, smirking at how hard done by Ed must be. 

There are some more sharp words and then Ed's coaxing, "C'mon, it's Harry for you."

“Har- _ry_! Oh my god, I _miss_ you!” 

Harry laughs, low and rumbly, kind of incredibly endeared. 

“I miss you too, Liam. So you should let Ed put you in a cab and come over.”

Liam goes quiet for a moment, and then Harry hears something that sounds suspiciously like a sniffle. “That is _such_ a good idea, Harry. You’re so smart, Haz. So smart and pretty – pretty like a _girl_ , and I want to lick inside your dimple and eat your hair and…”

Harry rolls his eyes. That’s definitely Ed cracking up next to him. “Yeah, yeah, we can talk about how you’re my biggest fan when you get here, alright? Go with Ed, now. Be good.”

“Okay, Harry, I’ll be good,” Liam says, gentle and obedient and Harry’s dick plumps. 

“Thank you. Now give the phone back to Ed.”

“K. See you soon, then?” 

Fuck, he sounds so eager, and Harry wants him here, _now._

“Very soon, Liam,” he assures him, and listens to the rustle as the phone’s handed back.

“Very impressive. Do the press know you can tame drunks over the phone?”

“I keep it on the down low. Haters be hating.”

Ed tuts. “You’re such a fucking clown.”

Harry lets out an exaggerated whine. “I’m very sick, you should be nice to me.”

“That’s not a rule.”

“So _mean_. Put my Liam in a car and send him to me, please. He always cares when I’m sick.”

“That’s because he wants your cock.”

And there it is. A massive cock-shaped elephant that Ed’s slapped down and neither of them can ignore. 

“Yeah, well...” he coughs, not at all because he medically needs to.

“Sorry, are we still pretending that’s not a thing that’s happening?”

“We were until Liam started drunk texting me that he wanted to sit on my face.”

“Ah, so now I’m sending him to you like some kind of sick virgin sacrifice. Shall I dab him with fragrant oils and wrap him in the finest silk, ready for the sultan?”

“You’re weird. Why are you weird?” 

Ed laughs. “Look, I’m getting him outside now, but just some friendly advice – don’t do anything with him until you’ve talked.”

Harry makes his offended face at his wardrobe. “Seriously, what do you think of me?”

“In general?” Ed asks. “Or when it comes to Liam? Because I think if he looked at you the right way, you’d drop all sense of a moral compass and bang him roughly in a room full of un-free range chickens and overfished cod.”

“Seriously, _so_ weird.”

“So I’m wrong?”

He shrugs, even though Ed can’t see. “I wouldn’t risk doing _anything_ that would stop him trusting me. He’s… my best friend.” He doesn’t know what was in his voice, but Ed’s quiet for a long while.

“Shit.” Ed sighs. “It’s like that, then?”

He feels heat rush to his face, then down his body, making him dizzy.

“Yeah. It’s been like that for a while. Didn’t know it was like that for him, though.” Harry can’t say the words out loud to Ed before he’s said them to Liam.

Harry hears the sound of traffic, a car door slamming shut, Ed giving his address.

“He’s on his way,” Ed informs him, voice reassuring and calm. “Bed him well, your highness. Bed him well.”


End file.
